Life · Uncategorized

Fear of the unknown.

  The rest of my life seemed so much more enticing when it was far away. Now, as I prepare to enter the next stage of my life, what a few years ago couldn’t come fast enough, is now coming at me so fast, that I feel the force of it hitting me will be strong enough to turn me into dust.

   Where do I want to live? How should I plan out my career path? When and how should I go about finding a wife, if at all? What do I want my wife to be like? I thought I knew the answers to, these questions, but now that it’s time to do that, I’m just not sure. It’s like taking a test at school; you think you answered every question correctly, but on the ride home you start thinking: “Question 17! Was the answer A? Did B make more sense?” It’s the paradox of choices: there are so many, and they all seem equally attractive, that you’re afraid to pick just one. But I’m not afraid of making the wrong decisions; not afraid of finding my dreams unfulfilled; I’m afraid my dreams will come true, but not be what hoped they would. My dreams won’t be dreams anymore, they’ll be a reality, and reality is always disappointing; reality is out of your control. I only know how to dream my dreams, I don’t know how to live them. As long as my dreams are unfulfilled, I know who I am; I don’t know who I’ll be after I achieve my goals – that’s what I’m afraid of, I’m afraid of the unknown.    

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