I haven’t posted anything in the last two weeks, partly because I couldn’t think of anything to write about, mostly because I’ve been distracted with moving on to the next stage in my life. In a month I will head off to a four-year college to complete my undergraduate study. While I’m eager to continue my journey, I don’t feel ready. Even though I’m 23 years old, I don’t feel like an adult. I’ve never had a job or been on a date, I only have five hundred dollars (cash) to my name, and I still don’t have a driver’s license. And yet, I am placing myself within a hair’s breadth from adulthood.
It’s my own fault. In the five years between graduating high school and now, I could have taken care of all these things … but I didn’t. It would be easy to excuse myself by saying I was busy with my studies at community college – easy, but incorrect. Community college was not an arduous journey, the only reason it took me longer to complete than the average student (four years) was that I almost never had a full course-load. This should have freed me to get my life in order, and yet, I didn’t. Everytime I was presented with the opportunity to prepare myself for the future, I said: ‘The future isn’t my problem; let Future Me worry about the future.’ Well, eventually Present Me became Past Me, and Future Me became Present Me. And if there’s one person who’s always screwing me, it’s Past Me.
Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe being what I need to start my life is placing myself into a situation where I won’t have an excuse not to.